The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent (1957) Synopsis

The men of the obscure and inexplicably small clan of Stannjold go off on a routine hunting expedition, leaving behind their women and one stunted young man named Ottar. At the prompting of Desir, the chieftain's lithe and lovely sweetheart, the women decide to set sail in search for their men. In a VERY short time, they build one of the intricate oaken wavehorse ships, embarking into surprisingly warm waters. We are to assume that they take the same course as their men, encountering strange new creatures at sea, such a shark who somehow ended up in the supposedly frigid Norwegian waters, a pod of whales, and a large sea serpent that looks suspiciously like those little lizards that live in the bushes by my house. Oh, I also forgot to mention that Ottar stowed away on the voyage (I guess he didn't want to be the only living soul back at the settlement. Weird guy) and Enger, the priestess of Thor (and only non-blonde) attempts to kill Desir with a loose spar. Apparently the brunette wants the blonde's beau. Luckily Desir's tiny midsection is made of kevlar, because the accident doesn't even faze her.Oh, yeah, the sea serpent. Well, the women (and Ottar) all find themselves in the sea after the serpent destroys their vessel. They wash up on a strange beach, a beach that looks a lot like one of the Star Trek sets. Of course all the women (at least the ones who have names) and Ottar are fine, but that's when a bunch of horsemen wearing Northface vests ride up. A few cracks of a whip and we find our heroines (and one hero) marching along with the horsemen, obviously as prisoners. Now comes the half-cave half-meadhall that Ottar observes must have been built by Vikings. An oddly placed fanfare later, enter the head villain.Oh, speaking of head, this guy, Stark, chief/king of the Grimold warriors, wears a cross between a Turkish helmet and one of those flapped hats you wear while duck hunting. Oh, and a sheepskin/Highland cow skin poncho. I really don't know what the costume designers were thinking...other than cheap. Let me just say I feel sorry for that actor. He inspects the new arrivals, managing to grope them all before Ottar causes some waves. Conveniently, Stark and his men all speak the same language as the Vikings. Desir inquires as to whether the men of Stannjold are in the Grimold's land, but Stark, who has apparently placed dibs on Desir, evades the question, introduces his too-old and too-gay son Senja, who is the only sensibly dressed figure in the movie, but that's the only thing about him that's sensible.Cut to the Viking women accompanying the Grimold warriors on a 'boar' hunt (really just a feral pig hunt) and Senja behaving predictably. He falls from his horse, gets cornered by the pint-sized pig, allowing Desir to ride by and skewer the quarry with her spear. Senja throws a tantrum, prompting Desir to let him have the credit of the kill, but in exchange for information about the 'yellow-haired prisoners' Senja mentions. Apparently the death of one small pig is occasion for drunken debauchery later, since we're soon forced to view the great hall of the Grimold's in a state of uproar. The Viking women are all groped and leered at, so much so that Desir (who Stark is currently saving for himself) seizes up a knife with the intention of killing one of the men, but Senja interrupts this with a challenge of strength. So...they arm wrestle. Desir loses the first round, but pins Senja's arm in the second. As they gear up for a third, Stark halts the humiliation of his son and declares that the women are slaves and have to do whatever they want, Viking women or no.And enter Ottar, who reminds me of a gremlin, both in size and in behavior. He makes a brave show of defiance, but is knocked out cold by a punch from Zarko, the head of Stark's men. Stark decides that now would be an appropriate time for the women (and Ottar) to see the other Vikings in his service, the ones who have had the fight knocked out of them. So they go into a rock quarry and find their men from Stannjold. Desir and the girls reunite with their oddly clean-shaven, well-fed and quite healthy-looking beaus, all except the maiden Tara (the tallest girl who gets the shortest guy as her love interest) and Enger. When Vedric, Desir's sweetheart, embraces the modelesque Viking maid, Stark (who has apparently made advances to Desir and been repulsed) becomes angry and possessive, separating the women from their men and marching them back to a bare room (oh, but Ottar gets to stay with the men, so that we are able to get the backstory in a more convenient manner) Stark leaves the women with the promise that they will not be disturbed in the night, as he wants them all fresh for his men the next day. Sheep-man is baaaaaad.Now comes the daring escape of Desir's younger sister, who slips through the bars on the window with ease, runs to the mine, either knocks the guard out or finds him asleep, and frees the men. The men seize up some weapons and make a run for it, only to be stopped by Stark and his warriors, waiting for them at the cave entrance. After a brief and poorly-choreographed scuffle, the Vikings are subdued. Some typical villain ranting occurs, then the respective gender of Vikings are returned to their cells.Enger shows up in Stark's quarters, having been the one to tell him of the planned escape, and demands that Desir be killed. Stark isn't too keen on killing his preferred potential mistress, but allows Enger to go to Vedric in an attempt to seduce/convince him to run away with her. Vedric answers her offer in a monotone answer of bland cliché, and Enger, a woman scorned, returns to Stark and demands that he kill both Vedric and Desir. Stark agrees, and the next scene shows the two head Vikings tied to separate pyres. Stark offers them up as sacrifices to their nameless storm-god and has Senja light the two pyres. Then he decides to offer one of the condemned Vikings salvation: whoever screams for mercy first will be spared. Well, la-dee-dah, both Desir and Vedric selflessly urge one another to ask for mercy, unwilling to be the one to survive.Luckily they're slow to catch fire, giving Enger enough time to recognize her own wrongs and seek to amend them. She calls upon Thor to strike down the Grimold god and to save the couple. Rain falls (for a few seconds, but enough to drench, apparently) and Desir and Vedric are safe. Senja draws his sword to kill them both, but something we assume to be a lightning bolt hits him and kills him. Not sure why Stark is so torn up by the little worm's death, but he fights with Vedric (his 'brave warriors' have fled in fear) and is handily beaten. Vedric does not kill him, saying that they only wish to be allowed to leave in peace.Well, Stark pulls a Pharoah. After a strangely Viking-esque burial/burning of his son's corpse, he sets out to kill all the Vikings, loosing two mastiffs. Luckily these mastiffs aren't too bright, and Enger, in a final noble act of redemption, leads them on the wrong trail, eventually being cornered and mauled to death by the dogs. This allows the Vikings enough time to prepare themselves for a final scuffle with the Grimold's. We're not sure how this scuffle turns out, but the Vikings finally get their boat to sea, and the Grimold's somehow get another boat to go after them. Enter the title sea serpent again, who severely frightens the Vikings but doesn't harm them, only causing the deaths of the Grimold warriors. Then Vedric hurls his sword at the creature, hitting it in the eye. We assume the big wussy reptile dies...And then the pointless ending scene where you see the shores of the Viking's homeland. Everyone is hitched, and those who didn't get hitched are all dead. Enter closing titles screen.

The men of the obscure and inexplicably small clan of Stannjold go off on a routine hunting expedition, leaving behind their women and one stunted young man named Ottar. At the prompting of Desir, the chieftain's lithe and lovely sweetheart, the women decide to set sail in search for their men. In a VERY short time, they build one of the intricate oaken wavehorse ships, embarking into surprisingly warm waters. We are to assume that they take the same course as their men, encountering strange new creatures at sea, such a shark who somehow ended up in the supposedly frigid Norwegian waters, a pod of whales, and a large sea serpent that looks suspiciously like those little lizards that live in the bushes by my house. Oh, I also forgot to mention that Ottar stowed away on the voyage (I guess he didn't want to be the only living soul back at the settlement. Weird guy) and Enger, the priestess of Thor (and only non-blonde) attempts to kill Desir with a loose spar. Apparently the brunette wants the blonde's beau. Luckily Desir's tiny midsection is made of kevlar, because the accident doesn't even faze her.Oh, yeah, the sea serpent. Well, the women (and Ottar) all find themselves in the sea after the serpent destroys their vessel. They wash up on a strange beach, a beach that looks a lot like one of the Star Trek sets. Of course all the women (at least the ones who have names) and Ottar are fine, but that's when a bunch of horsemen wearing Northface vests ride up. A few cracks of a whip and we find our heroines (and one hero) marching along with the horsemen, obviously as prisoners. Now comes the half-cave half-meadhall that Ottar observes must have been built by Vikings. An oddly placed fanfare later, enter the head villain.Oh, speaking of head, this guy, Stark, chief/king of the Grimold warriors, wears a cross between a Turkish helmet and one of those flapped hats you wear while duck hunting. Oh, and a sheepskin/Highland cow skin poncho. I really don't know what the costume designers were thinking...other than cheap. Let me just say I feel sorry for that actor. He inspects the new arrivals, managing to grope them all before Ottar causes some waves. Conveniently, Stark and his men all speak the same language as the Vikings. Desir inquires as to whether the men of Stannjold are in the Grimold's land, but Stark, who has apparently placed dibs on Desir, evades the question, introduces his too-old and too-gay son Senja, who is the only sensibly dressed figure in the movie, but that's the only thing about him that's sensible.Cut to the Viking women accompanying the Grimold warriors on a 'boar' hunt (really just a feral pig hunt) and Senja behaving predictably. He falls from his horse, gets cornered by the pint-sized pig, allowing Desir to ride by and skewer the quarry with her spear. Senja throws a tantrum, prompting Desir to let him have the credit of the kill, but in exchange for information about the 'yellow-haired prisoners' Senja mentions. Apparently the death of one small pig is occasion for drunken debauchery later, since we're soon forced to view the great hall of the Grimold's in a state of uproar. The Viking women are all groped and leered at, so much so that Desir (who Stark is currently saving for himself) seizes up a knife with the intention of killing one of the men, but Senja interrupts this with a challenge of strength. So...they arm wrestle. Desir loses the first round, but pins Senja's arm in the second. As they gear up for a third, Stark halts the humiliation of his son and declares that the women are slaves and have to do whatever they want, Viking women or no.And enter Ottar, who reminds me of a gremlin, both in size and in behavior. He makes a brave show of defiance, but is knocked out cold by a punch from Zarko, the head of Stark's men. Stark decides that now would be an appropriate time for the women (and Ottar) to see the other Vikings in his service, the ones who have had the fight knocked out of them. So they go into a rock quarry and find their men from Stannjold. Desir and the girls reunite with their oddly clean-shaven, well-fed and quite healthy-looking beaus, all except the maiden Tara (the tallest girl who gets the shortest guy as her love interest) and Enger. When Vedric, Desir's sweetheart, embraces the modelesque Viking maid, Stark (who has apparently made advances to Desir and been repulsed) becomes angry and possessive, separating the women from their men and marching them back to a bare room (oh, but Ottar gets to stay with the men, so that we are able to get the backstory in a more convenient manner) Stark leaves the women with the promise that they will not be disturbed in the night, as he wants them all fresh for his men the next day. Sheep-man is baaaaaad.Now comes the daring escape of Desir's younger sister, who slips through the bars on the window with ease, runs to the mine, either knocks the guard out or finds him asleep, and frees the men. The men seize up some weapons and make a run for it, only to be stopped by Stark and his warriors, waiting for them at the cave entrance. After a brief and poorly-choreographed scuffle, the Vikings are subdued. Some typical villain ranting occurs, then the respective gender of Vikings are returned to their cells.Enger shows up in Stark's quarters, having been the one to tell him of the planned escape, and demands that Desir be killed. Stark isn't too keen on killing his preferred potential mistress, but allows Enger to go to Vedric in an attempt to seduce/convince him to run away with her. Vedric answers her offer in a monotone answer of bland cliché, and Enger, a woman scorned, returns to Stark and demands that he kill both Vedric and Desir. Stark agrees, and the next scene shows the two head Vikings tied to separate pyres. Stark offers them up as sacrifices to their nameless storm-god and has Senja light the two pyres. Then he decides to offer one of the condemned Vikings salvation: whoever screams for mercy first will be spared. Well, la-dee-dah, both Desir and Vedric selflessly urge one another to ask for mercy, unwilling to be the one to survive.Luckily they're slow to catch fire, giving Enger enough time to recognize her own wrongs and seek to amend them. She calls upon Thor to strike down the Grimold god and to save the couple. Rain falls (for a few seconds, but enough to drench, apparently) and Desir and Vedric are safe. Senja draws his sword to kill them both, but something we assume to be a lightning bolt hits him and kills him. Not sure why Stark is so torn up by the little worm's death, but he fights with Vedric (his 'brave warriors' have fled in fear) and is handily beaten. Vedric does not kill him, saying that they only wish to be allowed to leave in peace.Well, Stark pulls a Pharoah. After a strangely Viking-esque burial/burning of his son's corpse, he sets out to kill all the Vikings, loosing two mastiffs. Luckily these mastiffs aren't too bright, and Enger, in a final noble act of redemption, leads them on the wrong trail, eventually being cornered and mauled to death by the dogs. This allows the Vikings enough time to prepare themselves for a final scuffle with the Grimold's. We're not sure how this scuffle turns out, but the Vikings finally get their boat to sea, and the Grimold's somehow get another boat to go after them. Enter the title sea serpent again, who severely frightens the Vikings but doesn't harm them, only causing the deaths of the Grimold warriors. Then Vedric hurls his sword at the creature, hitting it in the eye. We assume the big wussy reptile dies...And then the pointless ending scene where you see the shores of the Viking's homeland. Everyone is hitched, and those who didn't get hitched are all dead. Enter closing titles screen.

Published Time: 2023-05-25 21:06:00