Sorceress

1982

Action / Adventure / Fantasy

Sorceress (1982) download yts

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Added By: Kaiac
Downloaded 10,788 times
July 16, 2016 at 12:24 PM

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720p 1080p
697.21 MB
1280*720
R
23.976 fps
1hr 23 min
P/S Unknown
1.24 GB
1920*1080
R
23.976 fps
1hr 23 min
P/S Unknown

Movie Reviews

Reviewed by Aaron Shattuck 1 / 10

Gender confused twins Mira and Mara do something or another, as the movie does its best to wedge a tent spike into your soul.

I initially purchased this movie, along with two others, in a used bookstore's `Our Owner Is Dead Sale,' for the hefty price of one dollar. One must beg the question, of whether perhaps I got ripped off.

Sorceress is bad. Astronomically bad. Not the kind of bad that we're used to. No, not mediocre Hollywood bad. It's so bad, it's almost a religious experience.

The plot boils down to this: King/wizard Traigon promises his goddess, Kalgara (a big floating head that hisses and spits green lasers) to sacrifice his first-born child, for no apparent reason. However, he is quite bemused when his wife bears twins, making it difficult to discern which is the first-born. Deciding to resolve the question of their hierarchy later, he is about to seize the two infants, when he is killed by a Moses resembling, kung-fu fighter named Chronos or Chrona or some such. Chronos drops the twins off with some peasants and leaves. Years later, the FEMALE twins, named Mira and Mara, have been raised to believe themselves boys. A falsehood that is neither seen through by themselves OR the other characters in the movie, presumably because they wear hats. Anyhow, Traigon comes back from the dead (again, for no apparent reason) and orders his minions to find the `two who are one' (the twins.) An order which they fulfil almost instantaneously. After murdering the twins' adoptive family, the minions are made short work of by the plucky Mira and Mara, who are armed with big sticks. They also glow blue (once again, for no apparent reason.) After the evil minions are defeated, Baldar the big red Viking emerges from his hiding place behind the bushes to compliment the two young `men' on their fighting prowess. Then Chronos shows up and immolates himself in a bonfire (say it with me now `for no apparent reason'.) Anyhow, the remaining characters go on a quest of some sort, and are joined by Erlich the half-naked, befroed imbecile and the horribly perverse Pando the goat-boy (perhaps the most hateable character of all time.) Memorable scenes include: Mira and Mara emerging naked from the lake, to discover Pando the goat-boy grinning and "bah"ing at them in an entirely unwholesome way. (`What's that?' asks Mira or Mara `Which he carries there. Hanging between his legs. Is it a horn?' `A weapon perhaps?' adds Mara or Mira. `But how would he use such a weapon?' Then they beat the crap out of Pando and he runs crying.) Erlich's witty repertoire with the big, hairy, gravel-voiced gambler. (`Well, barbarian,' scoffs the semi-shaven wookie, in a dubbed on voice resembling a broken radiator, `don't dogs have ears? Don't they speak?' `We have ears,' replies Erlich, grinning like a lobotomy patient and holding two fingers on the sides of his head, `And we speak. Arf! Arf!') Mira and Mara's discovery of their actual gender. (`You're girls,' gasps Erlich as he sees the naked twins. `What do you mean?' asks Mira or Mara, confusedly. `I mean, you're not boys,' explains Erlich. `We're not?' wonders Mara or Mira. `Not boys? Are you sure?') Krakinon, the soldier who needs to cut down on the coffee, screaming with his eyes bugging out. (You really have to see it. It's a riot.) A butt-naked Erlich, sliding down a greased poll, where a sharpened stick waits for him in a VERY bad position below. (I… cannot describe the horror of this scene in mere words.) Mira or Mara feeling the effects of Erlich and Mara or Mira's `love boogey' miles away and reacting to it, causing Pando to become `excited.' (`Now I KNOW its Erlich,' comments Baldar as he stares at the moaning Mira or Mara, leaving us with the question of just HOW he knows. Suddenly, Pando rushes towards her and is stopped by Baldar. `She's under my protection,' warns Baldar. Frustrated, Pando begins to jump up and down and `bah' as he… as he… AAAAH! MUST GET THE MENTAL PICTURE OUT OF MY HEAD! NOOOOO!) A "battle between the gods' that consists of a poorly constructed winged lion and a floating head growling and hissing at each other, until one blows up. Two words: horny undead. And Pando leading an army of goats and goat herders into Traigon's palace, where they… just kinda mill around for, you guessed it, no apparent reason.

There are so many more memorable scenes, but I don't think I have the stomach to convey them to you. However, I will add that the movie ends on a pro-polygamist note, as Erlich rationalizes, `Hey, these two ARE one.'

I heartily recommend this film to masochists, as well as perverts who might find Pando's `antics' arousing.

Did I mention that this film declines to feature any kind of `sorceress' whatsoever?

Reviewed by HaemovoreRex 6 / 10

Boobies!!!

Hmmmm, picture this if you will; a pair of sexy twin sisters who have a delightful tendency to bare their (perfectly formed) breasts at any given opportunity, barbarians, boobies, cruel torture routines, boobies, monsters, boobies and magic..... Yep, everything any self respecting, red blooded male could ever want for in a film in fact, feature in this highly enjoyable sword & sorcery outing brought to us by director Jack Hill.

The film never makes the mistake of taking itself at all seriously and is chock full of tongue in cheek moments and double entendres in addition to the requisite action goodies.

Highlights of special note include some particularly well rendered and creepy looking zombies, a cringe inducing scene where a main character narrowly avoids suffering a wickedly sharp spike up his back side(!) and a super hammy main villain.

Tremendously fun if you approach it in the correct frame of mind (and probably even better when one is drunk). Oh, did I happen to mention the beautiful boobies on display in this?

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