Alien Showdown: The Day the Old West Stood Still

2013

Adventure / Horror / Sci-Fi / Western

Alien Showdown: The Day the Old West Stood Still (2013) download yts

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Added By: Kaiac
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720p 1080p
961.80 MB
1280*720
18
23.976 fps
1hr 20 min
P/S Unknown
1.48 GB
1920*1080
18
23.976 fps
1hr 20 min
P/S Unknown

Movie Reviews

Reviewed by Jj l 8 / 10

Mockbuster, a bit entertaining - on a geek level though.

By Jove, dystopian old west has some visitors from outer space.

Hilarious it is, both for all the contradictions, and over the top displays of dynamism; that it makes one seek the strangest of bedfellows to decipher this one-piece. Band names so hilarious they cut out a sleek bang. Spoiler! A Faux Pas is cooking.

We Butter The Bread With Banter — Oh my guard. Forest guard. Why are you gate keeping a forest you never tread. And being caught off-guard? The Hero, Reinhard getting to lock legs with PTV, Predator The Villain. Blimey! Predator shook his(?) head way too much than he groaned.

Heroin Your Vines — Say the forest is the vineyard. A big walking machine has just landed in here. And very armed. It goes about testing a super-massive weapon on the vines just in case any inhabitant is watching, to witness how it will bring about earth's decimation. Like the heroine does, in a different manner. Like heroin, really.

Godflash (oops) — This! Not the savior of the universe. It's the beams. The shots. The signals. The eyesight … They just surpassed the Jesus status.

Aesthetic Hunt Promotions — Because matters of the heart! The aesthetic value exists in the alien's heart (should it have one). So now it's obvious why a beauty will promulgate the alien's wish back to space, all in the name of science. Duh! Pure Aesthetic Heart Promotions.

Mourning Teleportations — Falling. Into a world, well past morning. In a ball of ash. Teleportation so conspicuous! What is being named here? Morning Teleportations could after all be worth the wait since no one knows what else could snap out of the "gravitational anomaly", besides a predator and a green alien.

Reprobate Romans — Doing it as they do in the proverbial town, especially when it could turn out being labeled immoral. Beauty and beast, only that beauty doesn't take being eaten before having a bath as one idea to be in the nude about.

Yo! My waking habits will now beg a question. But I won't curse the shriek of a sneaky Methuselahesque alien. Yet.

Reviewed by Horse_Caulk 1 / 10

Brilliant! Genius! Awesome and original creature design!

If you thought that SyFy and Asylum films represented the lowest of the low, move over bacon, there's a new sheriff in town.

I could go on and on about how this is little more then a student film with a slightly higher budget.

...but I won't.

I could insult the brutally pathetic director/writer/producers for having less shame then a middle aged prostitute in Alabama who wants her own reality show...and simply won't take no for an answer.

...but I won't.

I could make countless references to how this film is not just "studenty", but in pretty much every way imaginable is actually written, produced, directed, and executed at literally a sub-student level.

...but I won't.

I could even suggest that comically inept and brutally shameless juvenile film-sociopaths like these should truly be jailed in some sort of future hypothetical Cinema-Crimes facility for those who blaspheme and tarnish the shining and majestic institution which they are not even fit to mop the floors of.

...but I won't.

And I could laugh, point, and mock the equally hilarious/shameless creature design, which everyone will be doing soon anyway.

...but I won't.

I'll simply say what I often say after watching a few minutes of films like these (who can make it past a few minutes?). This film, and others like it, are no more or less than the result of the extreme and intense enthusiasm of people who lack the talent and skill to make a decent film, but have all the drive and motivation that legitimate film makers do. Why else would bad (well, foul, actually) films get made?

Wait, strike that, they actually have MORE drive/motivation than real film makers, come to think of it. Finding funding for a kiddie-script like this must certainly be far more difficult then shopping a good/decent/great script around. We've found the true core problem! They suffer from misdirected hyper-motivation syndrome. Mindless noobs like these should be required by law to take some sort of motivation-reducing pharmaceutical yet to be invented by a film-loving doctor/researcher somewhere.

PLEASE, HURRY DOC!

Bad films have always been a part of cinema. But never so much as now. Digital (i.e. "video" cameras) have opened the door to lessor-noobs who would not have even made the cut for being a "bad film maker" in past film history. Talk about Less Than Zero? How can you suck MORE then a really bad film maker? Well, now you can. GO PROGRESS! It's a new era of suckage which has never existed before, a hitherto unseen and lusciously putrid era of worse-then-bad films from stylistic/mental children with LOADS of drive and overflowing bucketfuls of motivation. And wait, it's only getting worse. Imagine a decade from now, when the tools will have become even more affordable and accessible for even LESS talented film-tards! Oh the horror! But, and it's a very small "but", this film does have some small value for those who enjoy the Asylum films, and any other unintentionally hilarious bad films. Additionally, it is of great value to film students, as a stern warning of what might happen if they neglect their studies, forget their theory, and/or abandon all of their aspirations towards achieving ANY level of proficiency in any single area of production.

Lobby hard, everyone, for legislation in the near future to prosecute crimes against cinema. I suggest a stinking and highly unhygienic floating prison island, where the cine-criminals are forced to watch only the movies produced by the inmates for 23.5 hours a day. Oh, and Ewe Boll films. Life sentences for all of them!

Please, see this film!

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